Was Frank as cool & down to earth as he seemed on LA Ink?
Dude is the shit. Absolutely cool and down to earth, it’s like he doesn’t even comprehend his own celebrity and success. His wife is the same, such a friendly woman who seems so genuine that it makes sense that they have been together for so long. He was so sweet and engaging to everyone, plus he laughed at my really retarded joke about me having “a bladder the size of a baby clam pouch” (WHY DO I TALK WHEN I DRINK I NEED TO STOP DOING THAT UGH)
I’m really excited to work with him next month, I bet the shoot is gonna be super fun.
Is that your natural hair color? If not, do you get your hair colored professionally, or do it yourself? Thanxxx!
My natural hair color is like chocolate brown, I’ve been dying and cutting my own hair since I was 15 :)
Hello! following your blog for a few years i know you are a big horror and Grind house fan, what do you think about how they show woman in those films? I'm talking about grind house theaters and sexploitation films. i feel guilty for enjoying them because i know they are wrong and offensive, but i'm really interested on your view of this!
My view, as both a feminist and a grindhouse/ exploitation flick fan, is that cinema is a place for fantasy; it is not really happening. Yes I am watching the woman being stalked then raped then killed then her killer being castrated, but it is very very different from actually watching this happen, which I could not bear. I love movies because I get to witness the dark, ugly, angering side of humanity and my own interests with the whole thing being like a dream, it’s not really happening but it feels like it is, so in that it is safe and controlled. Visually, I enjoy seeing pretty women cavorting around in their bras and undies and being over the top feminine, and yes I think it is visually interesting when said pretty women are theatrically maimed by a stylish madman whose killing and torture is more of a choreographed ballet than a brutal ritual. I also like when said women are the madwomen and are doing the artful brutalizing to men. The point no matter who is the victim is the same for these movies: some humans are monsters, let’s see HOW. An exploitive film is all about how someone/ something is brutal, a normal film is all about why someone or something is brutal.
I take these films for face value, as someone who is nonviolent and female-positive but with an interest in the aesthetic of cinematic violence and objectification of humans. It’s the same argument I make for my love of violent fashion editorials; it’s the juxtaposition of something to really fear or hate with something beautiful and controlled, which is film. I’m not offended by a movie like Last House on the Left, even though the film is uncomfortable to watch because it’s about a woman being raped and killed by madmen who enjoy the sheer brutality of it. The point of the movie isn’t that women are whores that should be tortured and killed, and it takes an actual psychopath to view the film as any sort of positive example for how to view fellow human beings (horror movies are meant to be horrific, to make you upset because of your human compassion while simultaneously entertaining you because of the detached nature of watching a film of actors you don’t personally know.)
There is artistic merit in all facets of film, and while some cases can be made for the problems grindhouse movies may cause women, I believe that the overall nature of these films surpasses the genders of those involved and is much more an exagerrated ode to our baser instincts: sex and violence. At the end of the day, we are always the problem.
Do you think therapy is useful or can leave you dependable?
No way do I think it’s dependable, at least not for me. Therapy’s purpose is to re-teach you how to deal with/ think about/ internalize/ approach something that has caused you problems once you understand why you react to it the way you do, etc. I see it like school, the goal is you eventually graduate with the skills and resources and knowledge necessary to handle the world on your own.
Sorry for bothering you with this but I love your advice. My boyfriend and I moved in together 3 months after dating. It was real stupid. Now I am moving out and it hasn't been a year since we have been together. I'm leaving because we were arguing to much and maybe it's because we rushed the moving situation. Do you think we can still work it out after I move? We have been doing great lately, and if we argue we are smiling and laughing an hour later. What should I do?
Trust your heart, doofus! Give it some more time since you’ve moved out and that’s a pretty big deal and you don’t want to go into something unsure of if you’re gonna just leave again. It sounds like you did rush it (3 months?! Shit is still all roses and hot sex 3 months in, you gotta wait at least a year to KNOW a person). Maybe now isn’t the time for you to share a home but that doesn’t mean you can’t in the future or that you can’t date now again. Moving in together is tempting for people who live in cities where rent is ridic (that’s the reason why I moved in with my bf after college) but seriously it isn’t worth risking your relationship to jump the gun. Distance makes the heart grow fonder, living in close quarters with someone will eventually cause friction and the less friction in a relationship the better. Take it easy, date eachother, live separately. It’s all good, you don’t need to live together anyway.
What do you think of Miley Cyrus?
Hi, I'm sorry to be abusing your ask. My boyfriend of four years recently left, but I'm still very much in love with him. Our relationship was very fucked up, he has broken my bones in the past, but he has a lot of problems and isn't well. I feel completely lost without him, I love him so much. Do you have any wise words that might make me feel less terrified? I haven't slept alone since four years ago, tonight is my first night alone.
I don’t know you personally, but so much of you comes out in this one message and it breaks my heart— but don’t go feeling bad for yourself because you are also stronger than you feel you are right now.
You start off the message apologizing, for something you don’t need to be sorry for and for doing the thing that happened to you: abuse. You might be someone who is so used to apologizing to calm shit down that you’ve stopped remembering what an apology is: acknowledging a lapse in judgment on your part that has caused someone else inconvenience or hurt. If your boyfriend was the one fucking you up and breaking your bones, I can’t imagine why you would be the one so good at apologies, but that’s the sad reality of abusive relationships. The victim becomes the one who feels like the reason there is no peace, and they are guilty and soon feel like the abuse isn’t abuse but justice, and it is a cycle that goes on and on and tears you up more and more UNTIL… one of you leaves. You just had a godsend moment because as fate would have it, he left. I am telling you as your voice of reason- without having to know anything about your good times or his childhood or your love- that you are BETTER OFF and you NEEDED THIS TO HAPPEN TO BE THE PERSON YOU’RE MEANT TO BE. Someone you love and are happy with, alone or with someone else. You are going to be fine, better than you ever were in fact. You simply cannot grow when you are locked in a cycle of abuse and negativity, you cannot possibly expect yourself to become happier or stronger or braver or more confident if you are trapped in that shithole of a life. Now, you CAN, and that thought will keep you safe and warm every night you spend alone. Put the TV on, put music on that makes you cheerful. Read a book, waste time online looking at funny shit. Then tomorrow, sometime, look up a group for women in abusive relationships and go to a meeting. Find a support system. We are communal beings, we crave community and we cannot be trusted to know how to handle our problems, we often cannot see things clearly, which is why loneliness exists and why friends make that loneliness go away. But it takes a GOOD friend to fill the void, a bad friend or bad boyfriend can sometimes make us feel more lonely than ever. You might be by yourself, but you’re not lonely and you’re not alone. Your life is beginning anew now and you were put on this road because something in this universe is telling you that you have fucking potential and you need to embody it. You are so lucky for that, you cannot go back and you cannot question your destiny.
Fuck that motherfucker, delete his number, if you feel unsafe call the police and get a restraining order, do not go back to him or believe him if he crawls back and says he needs you. An abusive man needs to work on himself, not a female whipping post. Lots of love to you.
I really loved your answer to your last question. Lately I've been going through personal battles and I wanted to put the blame on my parents for my childhood and other personal reasons. I just recently came to the realization that my parents are people too, not just parents. And the way they brought me up has molded me into the person I am today. I should be grateful. Not resentful. Thank you. You just solidified my conclusions with out even knowing it!
That moment where you realize, and truly GET that your parents are just people figuring shit out too, is when you grow up. Then you start to think about how wise they must be to do so many things that you either don’t do/ have never done/ have a hard time doing/ can’t imagine doing, on top of raising a person who is coming into their own in this world. It makes the need to be hostile that you grew up with seem so petty, it makes you want to make things easier for them, it makes you love them and appreciate them in a way you never did before that moment of growing up. I’m glad you’ve let go of resentment, I used to resent my dad especially but now I see how much alike we are. I was just focusing on the bad stuff and magnifying it and not seeing him as a dude struggling with his own problems. I hope anyone reading this currently on bad terms with their parents might take a second to see if it truly is a matter of changing your perspective and attitude that might help remedy things a little.
What would say are the events in your life that has made you the way you are (your meeting with the goddess)?
Well I can’t really answer that because I am not just one linear thing. Sometimes I’m successful, sometimes I fail. Sometimes I’m very strong and sometimes I’m very weak. Sometimes I love what I am and sometimes I can’t stand it. I’m a human being, and one hopefully nowhere near the end of her journey being alive… so all I can say is that I am grateful for every privilege and struggle and moment of random serendipity that has shaped me. I personally am most grateful for the struggles and battles I’ve faced thus far and continue to deal with because they always leave me stronger and wiser with so much more appreciation for what I have and what I can do. Sorry if that sounds like a Nike commercial or some shit, it’s just the truth!
I’m glad I was raised to learn from my mistakes and to appreciate the challenges life puts in front of me rather than be afraid of them. I have to thank my parents for raising me the way they did, with integrity but with an understanding and acceptance that I was not the kid they expected and I wasn’t anything like them or my older sister, and that I was gonna do what I wanted to do in life and the only way they could help was to simply support me and guide me towards that. I used to have such a volatile, stressful, hostile and imbalanced relationship with my parents for years but now that I’ve graduated and moved out, we have a wonderful relationship and I can appreciate just how much shit they put up with, how much they really did and do love me, how much they clearly believed in me to do what they have done for me. Knowing myself I know that any other mom and dad would have probably fucked me up horribly and I would not be the happy and capable person I am today. I know I got some of my bullshit problems from things linked to them, but those things do not beat out the amazing qualities they’ve instilled in me and demonstrated to me like confidence, kindness, dignity, courage, responsibility and determination. I love my parents so much and I am so grateful for all that I have with them. I am my own person; I wasn’t molded by my parents but they definitely smoothed out most of the harmful sharp edges.
my eyebrows literally grow straight across my face. every time i go to a waxer they fuck it up even more and make it straighter. i'm about to cry, i look so fugly. what can i do about this?
But what is wrong with straight eyebrows? They can be sooo beautiful, and really emphasize beautiful brow bone structure. Look at all of these gorgeous women with vertical brows:
So if you need to, bring in a photo of someone with naturally straight brows like these women and take it to a new waxer!