Thanks! It was a blank sparkly purse I got from H&M and I just drew the baphomet on there in fabric pen :)
Night of the Living Dummy or Say Cheese and Die!
Living in NY is expensive.
You move here and hear about how expensive it is and how much people have to struggle at times and you’re all
But at the end of the month after you pay your rent you look at your bank account and go
Like seriously, your tiny ass apartment that is either located in a noisy area or you have noisy roommates or your walls are thin and you have a noisy neighbor
But I will say, the food is DOPE here
Just don’t read the Yelp reviews while you’re eating from that 24 hour place with no order minimum
It’s fun to meet people here! Most friendships you make will be like
But if your friends live in another borough…
Because the subway is either the best thing or the WORST. When it comes on time and smells okay you’re all
Or sometimes you’ll see a homeless dude jacking off and a toxic waft of human filth singes your nostril hairs and you’re like
By the way- a lot of dudes will be all up on your shit when you’re trying to go about your day like
and you just be like
And keep walking. Walking is awesome in the city. It is good for stress relief, it’s free, and it tones your legs AND gets you places! For free!
But walking in a crowd in NYC will bring out the inner murderer in you
Tourists be like
And whenever someone on the street tries to stop you..
But at least the shopping (window or otherwise) is OFF THE HOOK
But no laundry machines or dishwashers in your apartment sucks
And so often you just reflect on this expensive, inconvenient, impersonal, competitive, dirty fucking city and you go
But you don’t follow through, because bodegas on the corner and free museums and central park during the summer and outside music shows and the diversity and possibility and history and energy just make you remember why you put up with the bitch goddess that is NYC.
But remember that when you get here, no matter how you dress or talk or know the subway, EVERYONE you meet will go
It’s easier than your twisted little beautiful mind thinks: just fucking do it. Force yourself out of that house and live through the anxiety and bad thoughts and impulses you’ll have every minute up until you are face to face with a cool dude. Then you need to stop it and listen to him and be yourself and enjoy your time and get lost in it. You physically CAN put yourself through the fucking build up, what are you, a paraplegic kitten? No! You’re probably not! I bet you’re a pretty, smart, articulate, interesting lady who is just giving herself way too many free passes to trip herself up, and that stops now sweetheart. You already know what you need to do to not feel like you’re limiting yourself (which you are)- so this is what you do: tell your brain to shut up, put on some good music, put your face on and do your hair and throw an outfit on your body, go on the date, and then you’ll be home and you’ll look in the mirror and say “fuck yeah, lady.”
who is “we”?
Dude, I’ve got self respect and dignity and I value the inner qualities in myself that I had to really earn and work for- but I am absolutely so goddamn far from perfect in every way. And let’s remember that not everyone feels the way you are describing- the idea you’ve crafted of me just happens to fit into your personal ideals right now; none of it is fact and none of it needs to discourage you or anyone else. I have read some of the meanest, most venomous and fucked up shit about me from people who somehow felt like they needed to express all the stuff that is wrong with me/ that they don’t like about me/ what I need to stop doing or start doing. My point is, reality is nothing but personal perspective and all we can do is be true to what we want for ourselves, no matter where or who that comes from.
I need you to remember that you will only truly KNOW like 10 people in your whole life. Most people you come across- especially on teh internets- you’re only gonna see what they show you and the rest you’re going to craft yourself out of preconceived ideas, personal insecurities, random inferences and a lot of filling in the blanks yourself I don’t know why we tend to fill in the blanks with impossible shit that only causes us to feel bad about ourselves (of course I do it too) but the thing you absolutely gotta remember is that we are all on our own separate paths in this life. Life can deceive you into thinking that we’re all in competition with one another and life is all about beating someone in some thing, but I’ve come to feel that life is really just about finding and following your passions that complete your soul and make you want to grow in every way. Endure when you must and enjoy when you can.
If you feel that way about me than that’s just my self promotion/ presentation and editing skills going to work. There is absolutely no person who has all their shit together, who isn’t fighting some kind of internal struggle, who is never discouraged with what they are, who is always confident and successful. I try to be as real as possible but the truth is, you guys can’t see every one of my fatal flaws every day- I’m a stranger to most of you and you’re going to fill in a bunch of Mandy blanks- good and bad- and it’s really just up to you whether or not you are gonna be discouraged by it. You really absolutely shouldn’t. Anything you admire about anyone, you can have yourself if you really try and keep trying and let people support you and love you and encourage you. It sounds like Hallmark card bullshit but dude, it’s fucking true.
I am currently working on the floor wearing a Loki shirt and pajama pants I stole from my mom, watching Maury episodes on YouTube waiting for my ‘Boston: Greatest Hits’ torrent to download. I just ate a cold Chipotle taco in front of my fridge and spent a fucking hour reading about Carl Panzram on my phone out of undisciplined, anxiety-drived procrastination. Now I have a long night of working while being very tired because I made such stupid choices today. I’m not a cool lady, it’s all an illusion.
I went through a mojo-less period too recently, I think all fierce fucks do. It helps me to not focus on what I’ve “lost” or what is different, or at least not lament it in a bad way. We change and grow and there is always some degree of discomfort or melancholy to any sort of change, but it’s actually always going to be a good thing if you can look at it objectively. Stay busy doing things that you are proud of, make time to be around people who build you up and make you feel good. Primp and pamper yourself for a day and luxuriate and relax. Enrich your mind. It all starts from the inside: your mind, your heart, your health, your soul. Nurture those things a little more and your confidence will catch up and radiate through. Dressing up real cute absolutely never hurts either.
I would believe it because some people are also Furries, so the depths of weirdness that peoples’ fetishes will delve into clearly know no bounds.
Like I’m under the impression that the same person is asking all these feet questions so maybe cool it bro, maybe go for a walk and think about stuff.