i can't seem to break up with my lying, cheating, emotionally abusive boyfriend. why?? what am i waiting for? what am i so afraid of? i keep asking myself and i dont know what it is.

Please look into counseling, and don’t you dare take that as any sort of negative thing. Being a human is unbearably difficult at times and I cannot imagine that there are people out there trying to navigate this shit completely on their own with zero help from any sort of professional. We all struggle with things that are unique to our own weaknesses and play out in ways determined by our unique difficulties with correcting those weaknesses. Allowing yourself to be stuck in an abusive relationship is one of your struggles- acknowledge that (which you have since you are asking for help, which is awesome) and then take the proper steps to help yourself. This is a great first step, but unfortunately I am not qualified to answer this. But I want you to get help because it is out there, is easy to get, and that person will be able to give you much better help than I could after hearing your entire story, knowing more about you, and being educated and qualified in that specific field.

Check out these links in the meantime while you locate a counselor or therapist near you:



Do you have any words on your significant other feeling inadequate because of your success? Because in my situation, he is completely happy for me [for attending college] - but he is 6 years my senior and still a server, and I can tell he feels like he isn't good enough for me. It literally breaks my heart, and I don't know what to say or how to make him understand that I love him exactly how he is.

I know how that feels, but life is so fickle with “success”, it is never a sure, permanent thing. That fact alone is scary to people who feel they have found it or on its path, and wonderful to those who haven’t. My advice would be to reassure this fact to your boyfriend, and remind him that as long as he has the drive to achieve more, all he has to do is go for it.

As someone who has served, I saw people around me get stuck in it because of the quick, often good money and (general) easiness of the job. Let’s just say, it’s easy to get sucked in and comfortable working as a server. And often times people start because they needed something fast to pay the bills and it becomes their life and they forget to find time for other things, but in my experience if you are serving to pay the bills and are working all the time but you want to get out, you’re going to just have to give up all of your free time (well not all of it- you still need to sleep 8 hours each night) and put it towards doing what it is you really want to do. Sacrifice is a necessity when you are trying to find a way to go for what you want, but what kept me going is knowing that it would pay off. Just because you believe something without knowing for sure if it’s true does not mean it’s delusion, I think in terms of trying to become more than what you are it’s simply called hope. Confidence gives you hope, so I think as his girlfriend you need to be a source of building his confidence however you can. 

You don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t match your drive. It doesn’t come down to having to be equally “successful” (again, that is so subjective because success ebbs and flows, comes and goes through our lives) when talking about a relationship that will stay strong and last, but it really will get out of whack when one of you gives up and settles and the other keeps going. So encourage him, tough it out while he gives up time to hang out with you, keep him motivated when he complains about the stress and not getting to have fun and see his friends and whatever for a while- but reassure him that this is what it takes to get out of the server thing and into where he wants to be and eventually in the direction of where he is meant to be.

i'm so relieved to hear you also get panic attacks. i can't seem to find where you elaborate on them, but that information would be really helpful to read. panic sisters everywhere <3

Here’s the post: http://beautilation.tumblr.com/post/86917883985

It’s kinda silly but I think that the heart and soul of what I mean is there and palpable for anyone who also gets panic attacks. Truly what helps me through it is having a sense of humor about it when I’m in a calm state, so that when it happens it is a little bit padded with a notion of “you’re going to be okay”. Hope it helps you my dear.

Mandy! I hope I don't sound like a total nut, but I do facepainting and makeup and I did a makeup look inspired by your clothing line/blog on my instagram @jaimeebeyer. I hope this doesn't make me a total lune, but I was at a loss for inspiration when I picked up my "pervert" beanie I bought from you, and I was like "YEP. I GOT AN IDEA." Just wanted to thank you for always being inspiration and rad as hell, check it out, if you'd like! Have a luuuuvly day. :)

THIS IS FABULOUS, J. I will share immediately! So flattered to have inspired you in any way, you are so talented with makeup and are going to go far with it. Yaaaassss.

Hey Mandy! Have you heard about the "Her Universe Fashion Show" at SD Comic Con? You should totally enter next year!!

No, but I’m looking it up now and BABY GURLS GOTTA DO IT. Thank yew <3

Did you feel weird when kat von d bought a shirt from you? Like didn't you not like her or something

I was absolutely stoked when Kat Von D bought a Beautilation shirt, are you kidding me?! She’s a dope artist, supporter of young creators in all realms of art, and I can’t imagine why I wouldn’t like her if I ever met her. Praises due to Kat for her makeup line too- her concealer and liquid liner are fucking awesome. 

Hey Mandy! Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom about panic attacks. I have all the typical symptoms when I have a panic attack but one Im worries about is sometimes I get a "phantom smell" or an olfactory hallucination. It smells similar to when you walk Into a dentist office. I smell it before my worst panic attacks. I've had an MRI and it's normal. Have you ever had this or something similar? Xo

I have not had this, but I get phantom physical sensations after reading certain things and they lead to panic attacks. I’m not even going to bother with an MRI, I’m fully aware that there is absolutely nothing wrong with me other than my brain can be the biggest douchebag on the planet. But it’s okay, my brain’s not so bad with other stuff so I just see it as a give and take thing. I think we’ll be okay.

soooo did you know that your cosplay photo was being used on the Red Sonja wikipedia page?? I was brought to the page by an article and was kind of shocked to find your picture there!

Yeah, they totally could have chosen a better one but it’s still pretty cool! (I mean “cool” in the geekiest sense)

are you gonna make anymore youtube videos??

Oh lord, when I get the time I really want to. I have an excellent idea for one involving another cartoon lip synch that should be good for a few chortles.

would you ever do another giveaway??

I am planning a Beautilation giveaway for the end of summer, it’s gonna be a whole thing, ya gonna love it.