Oh boy I have such a busy night and early morning but I really don’t want to ignore this one:
I was diagnosed with clinical depression when I was 15 and it wasn’t until I was about 22-23 that I felt like I had officially overcome it and that it wasn’t my hard wiring and it wasn’t my faulty chemistry that I was helpless to (but I do believe that for a few years I truly did have chemical imbalances, you do not fully develop until your mid twenties so I believe I struggled with it chemically and hormonally as well as emotionally). I was very lucky in that I never got to a point where I wanted to end my life, I always wanted to live, but I was just stuck in a seemingly endless loop of disappointment, discouragement, alienation and obsession. I began to become okay with it, and then comforted by it, and that’s where it grows another head and another mouth and another voice that tells you to stay sad, stay self hating, stay sick. That is what depression is, it’s a monster with all these heads that lives in yours that tells you things that make you very unhappy, to a point that you stop going after happiness because it all seems like a fantasy that you’ve pulled the curtain off and exposed to be a fallacy. But it’s not, and that is what OVERCOMING depression looks like. It’s like zooming out and seeing yourself in a television pulling the curtain and exposing happiness as a fallacy but you realize that wasn’t reality, that was something you were just stuck watching and it WASN’T what your life really was. It’s a fucking trip, in all senses of the word. It’s crazy, it’s a journey, it’s a lot of stumbling, it’s exciting, it’s rewarding, it’s beautiful.
I know other people who have overcome depression, I know people who have overcome depression AND eating disorders (raises hand), drug addiction, alcoholism and self abuse. There is no one pill or therapy technique or group that you go to that works for everyone, that is why it is a journey: what actually makes you overcome it isn’t the one magical “thing”, but the process of searching for that thing, finding that thing, finding out how to use that thing, and then actually getting better and reclaiming control of your life and your motivation, self esteem, confidence and power.
If you think you are suffering from depression, the first thing to do is get diagnosed by a doctor. It is very easy to do, whether you have insurance or not. Use Zocdoc.com or go to your usual doctor and discuss it. From then you will see just how many options there are for you to start your journey to getting better, and let me tell you: I cannot even convey in words how thankful you will be that you got help. Get in a community where you have supporters and people to encourage you. It’s so hard to do alone, I was lucky that, being that I didn’t really have any friends or confidants during my depression, my parents pushed me to therapy and doctors because depression can do a number on your own ability to get help. But you CAN. I am not the sad girl I was, I am a fucking powerhouse now, but you would have never guessed it if you met me when I was depressed. No one would have. I know you can do it. I’m here for you always.