(1) Hi, Mandy! I hope you are doing fine. Can I have some advice? I have been with my boyfriend for more than 5 years now. We are each other's first serious relationship and we are doing fine - but it is not enough for me. I feel like we have both ignored our ambitions just to be together, and I hate it. He is quite lost about what he wants to do with his life, and I have very specific ambitions and dreams I need to work a lot for (+)
(your message continued:) (2) To achieve what I want I have to leave the country (I’m European) and travel all the way to Asia for a year min. I don’t want a long distance relationship and I don’t want him to come with me and just spend his life watching me follow my dreams while he does nothing. In my head, the best solution is to break up, but I don’t want to hurt him. I don’t want to lose him either, but I feel like it’s the best solution for us both. What do you think? I feel really selfish. Thanks :).
This is very familiar; I think you should (nay- need to) take a break and focus on yourself. Assuming you fall into the millenial age category, I’d say that at this age if you aren’t madly in love with that person and you feel like they are somehow hindering you from becoming who you want to be, you need to let them go, even if you may still love who they are. We cannot live our lives only circumnavigating around hurting those we love; besides it being inevitable that we will hurt others and we will be hurt by others (as much as we don’t want or intend to) , the right people in our lives will allow us to grow and be happy without being pained by it, because they are on a complementary path. Sometimes we think we have met someone who is on a complementary path to our own much like sometimes we fall for the good parts or the idea of someone rather than that person as a complete being. The kindest thing to do is be honest with them and let them go and figure out together what the best way to be after that is, whether it’s staying friends, or just moving on and out of your lives. Change always brings a melancholy, but it will pass and will be replaced with wisdom, which helps us keep dealing with this type of unforeseen hurting.
I’m trying to be wise but someone at work just sent this in an email thread
what will your new job at buzzfeed entail? *congrats* !!
Well I am a Creative Fellow, which is sort of like a 3 month long paid intensive training program to prepare for working here on the Creative team, which is the department that works with brands and companies on sponsored posts and content for Buzzfeed. I’ve always been interested and good with marketing, but I hated shit that treated people as mindless consumers, that felt so nefarious. But this native advertising approach, which Buzzfeed really pioneered and mastered, looks at people as humans- we talk about what we respond to, what makes us laugh, what we would want to share with our friends and circle, and we create content around that. I’ve been here for a little over 2 weeks and I’m continuously pleased with just how down to earth and HUMAN everyone is here in regards to what we do. I do a better job connecting with people through writing than speaking most of the time, so it’s a strength I enjoy utilizing professionally!
Hopefully by the end of this fellowship I will have proven myself ~worthy~ and will be offered a permanent position here as a Creative, so while this is a fantastic position I do have to constantly be improving and grasping my lessons and demonstrating that I have “it”. I thrive on the competitive but relaxed nature of my position, so I’m very excited to have gotten this opportunity. Fucking something like 500 people applied for this fellowship and only four including myself got selected, so there’s some pressure of course but for the most part we are just excited and encouraged to have fun with everything and learn as much as we can while trusting our instincts with the rest.
I have a horrible time connecting with others--something that's left me with very few friends, some of whom live far away. Being alone doesn't bother me in the slightest, but sometimes when I'm in my room on a Friday night I feel kinda lame. I'm honestly not really sure what I'm asking, but I know you're a loner and I thought maybe you could shed some light on either how to be cool with it/trick others into thinking I'm not a total weirdo upon first meeting them and scaring them away
I’ve experienced all of these feelings, so you’ve come to the right person. To be honest I still find myself unsure of what truly makes me happy, but I think that is normal when you’re relatively young and sensitive and a little bit of a loner- humans are communal beings who thrive greatly from interacting with one another, so when that interaction isn’t the most effortless or rewarding thing, the lack of it can make us revert and stop growing; unless we take it upon ourselves to grow as much as possible on our own- but that’s just a supplemental skill you need to have along with the skill of building interpersonal relationships. Quality ones, I’m not talking a million friends- just a few quality relationships that are a true balance of give and take. The way I see it, it is a problem if you hide from the world and just waste your life and your time trying to forget about how badly you wish you had more friends or relationships; that means you are pacifying your problems and weakening yourself and you need to stop enabling yourself by shutting yourself out. If you spend time alone growing and exposing yourself to ideas and works from other people because you simply enjoy and feel more comfortable like that, you are still letting other people help you grow and this is a wonderful loner habit, but you cannot let this be as far as it goes. For the vast majority of us- even self-proclaimed loners- we need friendships. We need relationships. We need perspectives different from our own to remind us of when we are wrong, when we might be right, when we are being self-centered, when we need to grow up and adapt.
I recently realized that my reclusive nature throughout high school and much of college (and largely after college still) actually hindered me (as much as I convinced myself it was harmless and part of who I am, take it or leave it) and left me feeling like I missed out somewhat. I know that I used my time alone to create a lot of things that I’m proud of and figure things out and do a lot of work and make something of myself, but I have this panging that makes me question my own loyalty to this “loner” title. Maybe I am just not spending my alone time the right way anymore? Maybe I am realizing I was glamorizing a crutch? It is hard for me to tell you how to feel because it is all so personal. I cannot tell you if you are hindering yourself, if you need to try to learn new skills to change how you interact with people (I want to work on this myself), or maybe you are truly fine the way you are. I just would want you to ask yourself: In my guttiest of guts, am I lonely? If you reflect and feel in your heart that you truly arent and you have those solid friendships no matter how long distance, you have your hobbies and interests… it is more than possible to be a loner and not lonely. But if you are lonely, if you do long for something else, I would listen to that and just try to explore it. I’m no longer content with how I’ve been living my life all these years, so I am changing it. Change brings unsure feelings and fear and a sort of melancholy, but that does not mean it is not the best thing to do.
The worst thing is living a stagnant, repetitive life that you have to justify in your own brain as being a happy one.
I would like to move to NYC because I want the experience but I don't know if the city would be right for my personality. I'm a very quiet person. I'm not outgoing and pretty awkward with strangers. I don't know if I have the "attitude" for the big apple if you know what I mean.I work from home so I wouldn't have to interact with people much but I could get lonely. Any advice?
The beautiful thing about NYC is that there is every single type of person here, absolutely all kinds, and all of these people have someone like them in this big city. I don’t feel like you need to be a certain type of person to happily live and fit here, but the thing I will say about New York that I’ve heard from other people who haven’t lived here as long as I have is that it is extremely fast paced. It’s not a place where people prefer the simple things, where people take the scenic route, where people stop and smell the roses. I mean, some do, but that’s just not the tone of this city. It’s something I like because part of me thrives on chaos and my own anxiety (i’ve had it my whole life, it’s almost a comforting problem at this point which reminds me I simply have got to find a new therapist!) and yet I enjoy coming home to quiet solitude, my tiny one bedroom apartment is enough of a comfortable place for me to escape the pace of the city, the strangers, the constantly changing and forgettable faces.
I’m still figuring out how to get the most out of this city too. It has been wonderful to me. I’ve lived here since I was 14 and it’s been the landscape for my lowest points and points of most poignant growth and some of the most electric memories. I don’t want to live here forever, I’d love to live in another country one day, but I don’t think I’ve gotten all I can get out of NYC yet, so I’ll stick around and navigate, as should you.
How did you handle going to college in the most insane place in the world I feel like I'm drowning
I drowned many times. Like daily. But I didn’t die and neither will you.
would you promote a music video sent here if you liked it?
sure y not
I've been seeing tons of girls in "you can't sit with us" shirts. Do you have a copy write on it? I'd hate if someone was stealing your idea.
I don’t, I figured since it was a movie quote I couldn’t acquire any type of rights anyway. I was very naive when I started my line, not super business minded, but even now I’m not that regretful since I always look at people taking or reworking or flat out stealing my work as a signal for me to get more creative with something new. Of course it sucks to see places like Forever 21 sell mermaid shell tees (they are just one big chain that does this now) after I believe I was the first to produce and sell them, but you live and learn.
Hi I just graduated Parsons and shocker! I can't find a job or internship so I'm unemployed. Lol I'm thinking about just skipping all that and opening up my own small online retail business of just my designs. Any advice you would give for someone just starting to open their online clothing business?
That’s what I did!! I would say that it helps to grow your online following and relationships before because it helps you get some starting business when you open, and some valuable opinions and insight to what people who are into your aesthetic and style are actually wearing and buying— it is a skill in and of itself (that I think many designers have) to be able to observe all this and see what is missing that they might want, and then create it and put it up for sale! Also, just not giving up is the biggest piece of advice you must rememeber- it will not take off right away and you might need to take a part time job while you start up. I worked retail at a high end alternative clothing/ costume shop and did a paid costume internship while starting up my Etsy, so there is no shame in that! You need to start supporting yourself somehow! But I did live with my parents while I started up my business and worked part time, so not having the huge pressure of putting all my time towards working for my living was a wonderful privilege I had. If you can still stay at home and get some support from your parents, I would suggest doing it the way I did- a part time job or paid internship somewhere sort of in your realm of interests or career path WHILE you start up your business and just start making the items, testing them out, and experimenting until you see a pattern of growing interest and then orders and then more orders.
It is a process, so patience is a virtue! Don’t waste your time, you can do it if I can, I never thought I would be a business woman!
i just want to thank you for answering all of my asks i've bothered you with. believe it or not, you have helped me soooo much. i hope to one day be able to meet you and thank you in person. you've helped with relationships, anxiety, depression, and more. Plus, you're a HUGE inspiration!!! Thank you always and forever.
nah but for real, thank you for letting me know that I helped. It’s why I do this, I want to help those who ask it of me but I am not always sure I’m actually helping. Thank you.
First up, I can't even deal with love much I love your blog, it is the perfect combination of kawaii and axe-weilding-madman. A while back I read a post that you wrote about being photographed while you were out shopping, and how even if you're just popping down the road you should always wear whatever the fuck you want, if it makes you feel fabulous. Anyway, that post totally spoke to me, but now I can't find it! Can you pretty please post the link to it so it can inspire me all over again? x
yaaaaassss, thank you hunty. I think it might be filed under “me to you” which is a tag I use on some of my personal writing posts meant to be advice-y or helpful to my followers, you can search that tag on the right side of my blog. But yeah, that’s the sentiment- always dress like you might meet someone amazing with a great opportunity for you, because you just never know! No day is ever a waste of makeup or a cute outfit if in wearing it you felt more fabulous as you went about your day. Who cares if you impressed anyone or not? It’s really about you owning your own look and using it to help you feel and be your best.